6. What do your parents/children (delete as applicable) think of your job?
My parents think I'm in China driving rickshaws as I'm too embarrassed to tell them I'm a comedy superstar who makes millions. My grandchildren, Nyack and Hyena, think what I do is really brave - although I did tell them I was a paratrooper.
7. What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?
The rapid hair growth under my eyes. Also the loss of gravity leaves you feeling - well, untethered-like.
8. I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?
I either loathe myself beyond all comprehension or I suffer from delusions of grandeur. There is no middle ground.
9. How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?
Not enough and more.
10. How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?
Never; it's all been hard work and arse kissing.
11. Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?
Self harmer. I cut off my hand when Britain's Got Talent rejected me. Then I gave it back to myself! I gave myself a hand! Get it! Hahahaha!!!!!
12. Who is your favourite person ever and why – not including family or friends or other comedians?
Victor Meldrew.
13. Do you keep your drawers tidy and if not why not? This is the most important question of all.
Only on St Swithins Day!
