Comedian Rosie Wilby reflects on her own experiences of misogyny and homophobia in her novel-in-progress and new live show, Conversations We Should’ve Had.
As a queer woman, she says misogyny and homophobia have often gone hand in hand, with men more interested in her sexuality than what she had to say. Around 20 years ago, a male promoter told Rosie that he and his male colleagues referred to her as ‘the foxy lesbian’, intending it as a compliment. Male audience members would also approach her after gigs to question whether she was ‘really’ a lesbian and try to persuade her to sleep with them instead.
Rosie recalls male MCs making derogatory jokes about women in their lives or using ‘gay’ as an insult to silence hecklers, even when LGBTQ+ performers were on the bill.
She believes this kind of behaviour helped create an atmosphere in which women and marginalised performers, could feel objectified and unsafe. She was later followed and sexually assaulted by a male audience member after a gig, an experience she has previously written about in DIVA magazine.
The challenges weren’t limited to what happened on stage. Rosie recalls female performers being expected to travel to gigs in cars with groups of men they barely knew, where uncomfortable ‘banter’ could be difficult to challenge. Some were left to make their own way home late at night, and Rosie felt that speaking up about inappropriate behaviour could put future bookings at risk.
As a queer, neurodivergent woman, Rosie was particularly cautious about speaking out. Comedy had given her friendships, a social life and a sense of belonging, but the industry could also leave her feeling vulnerable.
She believes that challenging individual incidents matters but so does looking at the wider culture in which they happen and understanding why performers may feel unable to challenge it.
That question of belonging is at the heart of Conversations We Should’ve Had, a novel-in-progress and live show inspired by the emotional realities of navigating the comedy world.
The story follows Lou, a comedian who retreats into what she calls ‘Queer World’ after a traumatic experience. When she meets Nat, a more ambitious, extroverted woman, Lou feels emboldened to step outside her comfort zone and try performing at bigger, mainstream clubs. Although the experience is difficult, it ultimately helps her begin to make sense of the assault she experienced years earlier and the questions of responsibility surrounding it.
Through Lou and Nat’s story, Rosie explores how women can be pitted against one another in sexist, competitive environments like comedy, and how that division can feel almost as painful and isolating as the original sexism itself.
After a difficult period in which she became increasingly disconnected from comedy, Rosie has begun returning to the circuit and reconnecting with women she has known since the early days of her career.
The experience has strengthened her belief that women working together can make a real difference.
Rosie will share an extract from Conversations We Should’ve Had at WRITE UP 2026 on Saturday 7 November. She is one of nine writers selected from 79 submissions for the event, which explores the theme of VOICE through new work spanning poetry, memoir, fiction and dramatic monologue.
The event offers an opportunity to hear Rosie’s fiction and explore the questions at the heart of her work: whose voices are heard, what happens when people feel unable to speak, and what might change if women had more opportunities to listen to and support one another.
Rosie’s live show, Conversations We Should’ve Had, is touring in 2027.
19 Feb 2027 Alnwick Playhouse (preview)
21 April 2027 White Rock Theatre, Hastings
29 April 2027 Ironworks Studios, Brighton
7 May 2027 Cambridge Junction
16 May 2027 Horsebridge Arts Centre, Whitstable
15-17 June 2027 Omnibus Theatre. London
23 - 26 July 2027 Out & Wild Festival, Sussex
Website https://www.rosiewilby.com/
WRITE UP
Saturday 7th November 2026, 7.30pm, St Andrew's Church, Greyhound Road, West Kensington, W14 9SA
Ticket Link https://amyibeeson.substack.com/p/meet-the-writers-of-write-up-2026
