A joke about the former Prince Andrew, now known as Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, has been crowned the winner of an annual competition to find the best new Christmas cracker joke.
“Why is Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles” came out on top of the yearly cracker joke competition. Further gags about the former Duke of York, Oasis’ reunion, pop star Sabrina Carpenter and the Louvre burglary also feature in the top cracker funnies from 2025.
The winning jokes have been announced by the nation’s favourite comedy channel, U&GOLD, as part of its annual festive competition (now in its thirteenth year) to find the very best Christmas cracker jokes inspired by the events of 2025.
“Why don’t Noel and Liam want to open their presents early on Christmas morning? They need a little time to wake up” and “What is a French burglar's favourite Christmas film? Louvre, Actually”, were two of the jokes to make the top five.
U&GOLD challenged the British public to submit their festive funnies, which were then shortlisted by a panel of judges and put to an anonymous public vote of 2,000 British adults.
U&Gold’s top 10 funniest new Christmas cracker jokes for 2025 are revealed as:
- Why is Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles!
- Why don’t Noel and Liam want to open their presents early on Christmas morning? They need a little time to wake up.
- Which pop star carves her own wooden Nativity scene? Sabrina Carpenter
- What do Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and a snowman have in common? They're both out in the cold.
- What is a French burglar's favourite Christmas film? Louvre, Actually.
- Could Lily Allen and David Harbour get back together for Christmas? Stranger Things have happened!
- Why won’t Angela Rayner get any Christmas presents this year? Santa can’t decide which address to deliver to.
- What is Claudia Winkleman's favourite part of Christmas dinner? The Taters
- Does Celia Imrie beat her family at Christmas party games? Yes, she trumps them all
- Where has Santa been more than Nigel Farage? - His house in Clacton
Jokes just missing out on the top 10 included a quip about the Prime Minister, “What’s the difference between Keir Starmer and Jesus? Jesus could put together a solid cabinet”.
The annual joke competition celebrates U&GOLD’s seasonal TV lineup, which includes classic festive episodes of some of the nation’s favourite comedies, ranging from Dad’s Army to The Fast Show and The Vicar of Dibley – alongside much-loved Only Fools and Horses, set to air on Christmas day.
Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who led the U&GOLD judging panel, says, “An absolutely stellar list of jokes this year – possibly one of our best ever in the thirteen years U&GOLD has been running this competition! 2025 has featured a number of news-worthy moments, and there’s a real mix of topical jokes here that poke fun at some of the year’s headlines! Big congratulations to all the winners, and well done to everyone who entered this year.”
Gerald Casey, Director of Programme, Comedy and Entertainment, UKTV says, “Congratulations to our 2025 winners! Another fantastic year of hilarious entries, showing that the British public are a funny as ever when it comes to the news. We hope to spread even more Christmas cheer with our festive U&GOLD Christmas programming, including much-loved classic episodes from the likes of The Vicar of Dibley, The Fast Show and Only Fools and Horses.”
The author of the winning joke, Ben Smith, from Chelmsford, received the top prize of £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper and a box of bespoke U&GOLD Christmas Crackers.
The top six jokes are included within bespoke boxes of U&Gold’s Christmas crackers, which will be presented to this year’s winners.
All the jokes voted for by the British public are original content to the best of U&GOLD’s knowledge.
