If there is one thing I like almost as much as comedy it is golf. Yes, that's right, golf. And I'm clearly not alone. I always tried to keep my obsession a secret because it felt more like the kind of thing associated with old squares such as Bruce Forsyth and Jimmy Tarbuck. But at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this month I discovered that golf is not just cool, but that it is played by some of the best young comedians on the Fringe.
Last Thursday comedy agent Richard Bucknall organised the annual VisitScotland Mackenzie Taylor Industry v Comedians golf tournament at Duddingston Golf Club. Mackenzie Taylor was a useful young golfer/comedian himself who sadly committed suicide in 2010. Duddingston is only a couple of miles from the Pleasance Courtyard where so many shows take place, but the atmosphere could not be more different.
Once away from the Fringe frenzy and out on the fairway I always find golf relaxing. A zen-like calm comes over me. Sadly it doesn't help me hit the ball any better. I'm what you might politely call a hacker. When I was younger I was actually told to stop playing on a golf course in Cornwall because | was so bad. The players at Duddingston watching me tee off on a par five with a 7-iron just to make sure I hit it straight might not believe this but I'm actually better these days. Someone suggested I should have lessons. I didn't want to admit that I have had lessons.
Among those playing were Richard Bucknall, Chris Martin, Jimmy McGhie, John Robins, Fred MacAulay (picture by Jamie Holgate), Neil Dagley, Hannah Gadsby, Tommy Holgate and Tim Payne. Due to a sudden shortage of critics – this was the last Thursday of the Festival and some poor journalists were called away to do some last-minute work – I had comedian John Robins on my side for the afternoon's 9-hole match play showdown. We were paired against stand-ups Chris Martin and Jimmy McGhie. It is always delicate meeting people you've reviewed, but luckily I had only reviewed Robins and had been pretty nice about him. But don't ever believe any comedians when they tell you they don't read their reviews. Two holes into the round I found myself in the bunker just short of the green. A fluffed sand wedge left the ball in the bunker and before John Robins took his turn (we alternated shots) he muttered sarcastically "99% perfect" - which is what I wrote about his show, before proceeding to give it a measly three stars.
John and I dropped a couple of holes early in the round but gave Chris and Jimmy a run for their money, which I thought was pretty good considering that they could both land the ball on a sixpence from 150 yards and I was struggling to land it on the fairway from 50 yards. By the time we got to the seventh green John and I were two down and staring down the proverbial barrel of defeat. Chris tapped in leaving me with a ten-footer for a half to keep the match alive. No pressure then. And of course I holed it, which I couldn't quite believe myself. I've been reliving that putt in my dreams ever since. Was it ten feet? Maybe it was more like 20 feet. 30 feet?
Inevitably we succumbed at the next hole, halving it to lose 2 & 1. I then had to jump in a taxi to a show. Twenty minutes later I was sitting in a small sweaty room watching a sweatier comedian. I know where I'd have rather been. But when I came out of the show I had some good news waiting for me on my phone. The Industry had beaten the comedians overall 2.5 to 1.5. I'll be back next year, but I'll make sure I have a few more lessons first.
