
The winner of this year's Gold TV Christmas Crackers competition to find the best modern Christmas Cracker joke has been announced.
This is the fourth year of the competition. Jokes were submitted via Twitter using the hashtag #goldcrackers and the entrants narrowed down to a shortlist by judges including beyondthejoke's editor, Bruce Dessau. The top twenty jokes were then voted for by the public.
The victorious joke, which received 20 per cent of the public vote, was: “How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.”
It came from Edinburgh's Laura McDonnell, whose grandfather was a comedy writer for the BBC in the 1970s. Laura wins £1500 towards a holiday and a box of Gold Crackers, one of which will contain her own joke.
The rest of the top twenty is as follows:
- What do workers at Sports Direct get for Christmas dinner? About 5 minutes.
- How do you recognise a Christmas tree from BHS? All the branches have gone.
- I bought my mum Mary Berry's cookbook for Christmas, I tried to get Paul Hollywood's but he'd sold out.
- What's David Cameron's favourite Christmas song? All I Want For Christmas is EU.
- Why has Hillary Clinton asked Santa for a 23-letter alphabet? Because she is sick of F.B.I.
- Why didn't Roy Hodgson go to visit Santa at The North Pole? He couldn't get past Iceland.
- Why are Jeremy Corbyn's Christmas cards on the floor? His cabinet collapsed.
- Philip looks out of the window on Christmas Eve: 'That's some reindeer' he says. The Queen replies: '63 years. Yes, that is a lot.'
- What's the difference between the clementine in your Christmas stocking and Donald Trump? Nothing, they're both a little orange.
- What do you get if you cross Donald Trump with a Christmas Carol? O Comb Over Ye Faithful.
- What's the best advice you can give at the UKIP Christmas party? Avoid the punch.
- Why did the three wise men only have frankincense and myrrh? Because Team GB took all the gold.
- Which parent is likely to do the Christmas shop at Tesco this year? Dad might, Marmite not.
- Why can't the England football team play Yahtzee this Christmas? Because they got rid of Allardyce.
- I can't get to the chocolates in my advent calendar. Foiled again.
- Why is Bob Dylan's sleigh so quiet? Because it has Nobel.
- Why is everyone filing for divorce and custody of the kids this Christmas? Tis the season to be Jolie.
- Who might be cooking Christmas dinner at Number 10 this year? Theresa May.
- Why can't Mary Berry eat turkey sandwiches? Paul Hollywood took all the bread.
Steve North, General Manager of Christmas Gold at UKTV, said about the result: “We’ve got a brilliant selection of jokes this year – perhaps our best yet! The Christmas Gold competition is a fantastic way to look back at the year, and bring some light-hearted relief to what has been a bit of a rollercoaster for 2016. The British sense of humour is clearly as sharp as ever, and what better way to enjoy a bit festive cheer.”
All of the jokes voted on by the 2,000 British public are original content to the best of Gold’s knowledge.
The UKTV channel Gold is currently known as Christmas Gold and will be showing their festive TV favourites such as The Royle Family, Vicar of Dibley and Gavin & Stacey every night throughout December