News: Al Murray Parachutes Into Kent

Al Murray

Breaking News, 1pm. 13/3: Al Murray has cancelled his proposed parachute jump because he is heavier than the 14st 7lb (92kg) limit.

The comedian blamed the metric scales and "health and safety gone mad".

He told reporters: "Unfortunately today's stunt - and that was exactly what it was, a stunt to garner publicity - has had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances...Not only am I another tragic victim of this country's obesity epidemic, but also I have been held back by health and safety gone mad."

 

Al Murray, the Pub Landlord and prospective FUKP MP for Thanet South in the forthcoming General Election, plans to parachute into Kent. 

The comedian has announced that he is going to land at Headcorn Aerodrome near Ashford on Friday and then deliver a speech at the New Inn pub in Sandwich. He added that sandwiches will be available.

In a statement the Pub Landlord said: “I was shocked when it was widely regarded that I’d been parachuted into South Thanet. But I’m part of a new breed of politician, one who guarantees to give the electorate exactly what they want, no matter how dangerous or stupid it is."

Murray plans to stand against Ukip leader Nigel Farage in the General Election in May. His manifesto includes reducing the price of a pint to 1p and bricking up the Channel Tunnel.

The Pub Landlord was vague about what he plans to talk about when he gets to Sandwich: “I don’t know I haven’t thought of it yet, do these politicians really tell everyone everything before they get there... why would anyone bother going to anything? I don’t understand... but probably something about South Thanet and an Economic Plan blah blah blah blah meaningful recovery.”

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