Interview: Rarely Asked Questions – Alfie Brown

Alfie Brown

Alfie Brown is different to other comedians. I thought that the first time I saw him and he spent much of his set arguing about whether he was being sexist with his audience. He is painfully, brutally honest, baring his soul onstage, but always in a very funny way. In fact just to underline that honesty, he is the first person to answer my question below about earnings by coming up with an actual figure. Though maybe he needs to have a chat with his agent.

Brown is getting better all the time and he certainly has plenty to talk about, from the state of the world to the state of his personal life, which has latterly undergone a major change. A year ago he talked about the pointlessness of having children, but he recently became a father. Read on for some soul-bearing honesty. And also to find out how much he earns.


  • What is the last thing you do before you go onstage (apart from check your flies, check for spinach between teeth and check your knickers aren't sticking out of your skirt)?


Think about something funny to say. I like to open with something new. If you begin with something you’ve never said before the subsequent material can more easily follow the rhythm of improvised speech. It makes it more exciting to watch I think. The audience can tell when you are flying by the seat of your pants. 


  • What irritates you?


Cyclists. Cyclists going the wrong way down one-way streets. Cyclists going through red lights. I have had to do a lot of shouting quite regularly. AND I CAN’T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT ONSTAGE AS IT JUST LOOKS STUPID AND PATHETIC. 


  • What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done?


I fell asleep in the bath and I don’t think my bath had one of those things that lets water out when it’s too full. I woke up and cried because I was scared of dying. 


  • What is the most stupid thing you have ever done?


I convinced my little brother that we eat turkey at Christmas because Jesus’ best friend was a turkey. 


  • What has surprised you the most during your career in comedy? 


How long it takes to make a living and the shit that some audiences will laugh at. And the connection between those two statements. 

Read some more really juicy answers from Brown here.


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