6. What’s the worst thing about being a comedian?
When you tell someone your age who also went to a good university, that you’re a stand-up. They did a grad scheme, now they work for ahsldkahdoibfoi and then you kind of have to defend what you do. But that’s not comedy’s fault, it’s the fact that most young people who get a job straight out of university are cunts.
You know what, i actually quite enjoy those conversations because I get to do lots of graphic mimes about how they fellate ‘The Man’ 9 till 5, and call them a slave to the system and stuff. So actually I don’t think there’s that many bad things. I really, really like being a comedian.
7. I think you are very good at what you do (that’s why I’m asking these questions). What do you think of you?
I think I might be onto something; but I’m not there yet. I totally subscribe to the 10,000 hours thing, or the 10 years or 20 years thing, or however long it takes. I think I do the kind of comedy that if I was a punter, I would want to see. But I’m still a way off making it work in front of every kind of audience. It took me a while to realise that audiences weren’t just made up of other versions of me.
8. How much do you earn and how much would you like to earn?
Just done my tax return actually. Before tax and before expenses it was £25,673. But with expenses it’ll go down to about 20 probably. An extra 10 grand a year would be nice. But then I guess what for? I doubt I’ll ever be able to buy a house so why do you need more than that? It’s enough to go out for food a lot. I really like food. Other than that, music’s pretty much free now, I pay half rent because I live with my girlfriend, so I guess I don’t need any more. On more than one occasion I’ve turned down fairly lucrative TV warm up in order to do a piece of shit 40 quid gig above a pub. I really just want to be the best comedian I can be (But i do think I deserve to be paid for what I do).
9. How important is luck in terms of career success – have you had lucky breaks?
It’s hard to say. I never did that well in competitions, and I remember I used to think i was cursed because whenever a big agent was in the audience to see me I’d always tank. But now I’m actually glad that those so-called ‘breaks’ didn’t materialise because it’s given me time to develop away from any limelight and actually find out what my act is, and I think it’s given me a good work ethic. I don’t think I would have decided to make an album or release it for free if I’d signed with [unnamed big agent] in 2012. I think if you mange to achieve consistency the whole ‘luck’ thing kind of goes out the window.
10. Alan Davies has said that comedians fall into two categories - golfers and self-harmers. The former just get on with life, the latter are tortured artists. Which are you – or do you think you fit into a third category?
I’d much rather be the tortured artist. Although stand-up is totally art, I still find it so weird to call comics ‘artists’. Maybe because it’s the most unpretentious art form. Or at least it should be.
I really like watching golf but I can’t play it for shit. I don’t get so upset that I cut myself though.
Does that still make sense within the metaphor?
